I am now reaching my 9th month in India. That is the same amount of time that it takes to create a human being. In a way, I feel a little bit like India has done that for me. It has recreated a part of me that I thought was lost. As I am getting closer and closer to the year mark and the time to renew my visa, I have to face the possibility that it won’t be renewed and that I will have to leave this amazing, baffling, wonderful, challenging, incredible country soon. It has made me really start to think about why I love it so much and why I have loved it since my first visit here. Is it the people? The architecture? The fascinating history? The chaos? I wasn’t able to quite put my finger on it until this past week.
When I was thinking about moving here, I asked around in expat groups what it was like to live here. I wanted reassurance that I could survive here. Everyone told me that the good outweighs the bad even though the bad is really, really bad. I wasn’t naive enough to think that it would b just like being a tourist here. What I didn’t realize is how much better it is.
Thinking about it last week, I realized that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. And I love all of the parts. I love the people, the scenery, the animals, the food.
It isn’t only what India is. It is also what she represents. While walking to the suburban rail station in Mumbai to go to work, I realized that I loved India because I can relate to it. India reminds me of myself and many other 30-something year old women that I know. India is like the adult that is not doing particularly well at adulting. While “she” has the best of intentions, she just kind of seems to keep fucking things up. Yet, she is trying. And she keeps trying. She has her internal (and external) demons. She has a history that has left her scarred. Yet, she picks herself up, dusts herself off and keeps on going. She isn’t afraid to speak her mind, doesn’t apologize and refuses to hid her flaws from the world. She has learned her lessons the hard way and somehow manages to keep a delicate balance.
India is alive, much more so than any other place that I have been to. In international relations, countries are often referred to as “she” or “her”. India embodies this. She is rough around the edges but seductive. Her arms envelope you and she makes you feel alive. She makes you feel lucky to be part of her craziness, even if for only a short while. My sister and I used to joke about how there were some places where you go and get “stuck”. Places that work their way into your body and into your sole. Like people, they only come around a few times in a lifetime and you never forget them. That is what India is to me and that is why I am deeply, madly in love with this country.
